Food isn't boring, you say? Good, 'cause this was next in the queue of discussion.

The good food: the dinner on Friday. MMmmm. Good thing it was good, 'cause I made about twice as much as I needed.

The bad food: I try and avoid McDonalds, even before I saw Supersize Me. But, hypocritically, I still eat more fast food than I should.* So I've noticed that around here, at least, the fast food seems to be designed and marketed with the Stoner-American community firmly in mind.

There's a chain called "Jack in the Box," which at least makes the fast food to order ('cause, y'know, hot grease is so much better for you) and which has a really bewildering variety on the menu, like jalapeno poppers and hamburgers topped with fried eggs. Even though it was noon, we went to try their breakfast biscuits on Sunday because that's the only thing that can tempt me into a McDonald's, and I was eager to find alternatives.

They serve any item on their menu at any time, as it turns out. Here's excerpts from the text of their tray liners:

"... for millions of years, it was simple. Breakfast happened whatever time you were lucky enough to bag a wooly mammoth. Morning, noon or night. No one said "Sorry, sir. We stop serving mammoth at 10:30 AM... Now we're so 'advanced' you can put a DVD player in your wallet, but if you want eggs and sausage in the afternoon, people treat you like a caveman. Well, millions of years after the fact, I'm putting things right. Anything on my delicious Breakfast Menu is available DAY or NITE.** So if you want a Meaty Breakfast Burrito at 2:37 in the afternoon, you got it. Think nothing hits the spot at 1:17 in the morning like two crispy tacos and a Sausage Croissant? I'm your guy. So to Mr. Ancient-probably-Swiss-uptight-breakfast-time-inventor***, I say 'How do you like us now?' I'm tossing out the outdated rules."
People who want two crispy tacos and a Sausage Croissant at 1:17 AM are not just saying no. I also enjoy the implication that eating breakfast in the afternoon will stick it to THE MAN!

And we've just taken to calling the latest offering from KFC "the stoner bowl." I mean, just look at it.

The ugly food: OK, I got nothing. I just wanted a catchy title to this post. Let's try the Google Oracle:****

Ah. This is ugly. And it knows it.




* Which always reminds me, a bit, of that kid in the aforementioned movie who said she admired that Jered guy and wanted to lose weight like him but she just couldn't afford to eat at Subway every day. I'm soooo virtuous by choosing Wendy's over McDonald's </sarcasm>

** I found this text really pretty funny, but this gratuitous spelling of "night" always gets right up my nose. Just thought I'd vent.

*** I omitted a portion of the text that talked about the Swiss and their mania for punctuality. This is not as out-of-left-field as it might seem from the excerpt. Sorry if that makes it less funny.

**** What, you've never used Google as a fortune-teller/I-ching substitute by typing a few key words in and following the first link? OK, maybe it's just me.

7 comments:

  1. Carl Norum said...

    Around our office Junque in the Box has a reputation for being the greaziest.... Carl's Jr. appears to be safe. I usually just get a salad.  

  2. Paul said...

    While McD's is certainly omnipresent over here, the tratidional, healthier fast food is still going strong. Yes, that is a grilled fish and potato popsicle. Octopus dumplings are also very common, very hot, and very good.  

  3. Alina said...

    Good gods... That KFC bowl-o-crap may just be the most frightening food item I've ever seen. And this from the girl who's eaten sushi sandwiches. X.x  

  4. Allan Schnell said...

    I sure hope that if you can come down for my wedding you will be happy with Roast beef, Ham and or Turkey.  

  5. Amy said...

    Alina: I actually ate one... it's not entirely awful (if you like K-fry) but the mashed potatoes taste like cardboard and have the consistancy of spackle.

    Allan: At your wedding, I would be happy with dry toast and a can of Schlitz. :) How could I be anything other than happy at your wedding?  

  6. Terry said...

    Heh, Jon Stewart mentioned that new KFC offering on his show. I believe he said "Mmm. Around my house, we'd call that 'leftovers'?"

    And now for something completely different... Thank you for the shirt! Now I have some official Cryptic Studios swag. It was a very nice surprise to come home to. It's black, it's cool... I now have a new favorite shirt!  

  7. cenobyte said...

    *I* use the Google Oracle. It's how I do my final reports at work.  

 

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